7 stages of sex

not the karma sutra

Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say “screw you”

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And Last, but not least…. The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

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Conversation between a man and a woman:

Man: “I believe in sex on the first date, whether the woman agrees or not!”
Woman: “Ah…so, what time are you picking me up?”

Question: How do you help the woman?
Answer: You don’t help her. You help yourself. Do as much as possible before her date.
If she has your key, change your locks.
If she owes you money, try to collect as much as you can.
If you owe her money, try to pay her off.
Basically, wall her off from your affairs and keep her life from spilling over onto yours.

Cologne and few prosecutions?

So the police and prosecutors for whatever reason just close the case.

Die Staatsanwaltschaft Oldenburg stellte die Ermittlungen ein, schrieb dem Opfer: „Es ist durchaus denkbar, dass der junge Mann Ihnen auf diese Weise sein Interesse an Ihnen mitteilen wollte.”
The Oldenburg prosecutor discontinued the investigation, wrote the victim: “It is quite possible that the young man wanted to be notified in this way be interested in you.” 
http://www.bild.de/regional/bremen/sexueller-missbrauch/staatsanwalt-verhoehnt-grabsch-opfer-49300650.bild.html

One may have to use google translate.
And another reason why these crimes are not investigated, by the head of police.

Holger Munch, president of Germany’s Federal Police, said: “There is a connection between the emergence of this phenomenon and the rapid migration in 2015.”

He added many of those responsible for the sex attacks would probably escape justice because of limited CCTV footage and the fact many were masked.

He said: “We have to presume that many of these crimes will never be fully investigated.”
http://www.express.co.uk/news/world/688767/German-police-revise-up-number-of-victims-of-Cologne-migrant-sex-attacks

The prosecutor Ulrich Bremer says you are wrong

Cologne’s public prosecutor Ulrich Bremer said only three of the suspects had recently arrived in Germany. The rest were of Algerian, Tunisian or Moroccan origin, while three were German citizens. According to the report, he also said that of 1,054 complaints received 600 were connected to theft rather than a sexual offence.

However, Bremen denied the reports the following day as “total nonsense,” telling Associated Press that “the overwhelming majority of persons fall into the general category of refugees.” According to AP, Bremer said 73 suspects have been identified so far that include 30 Moroccan nationals, 27 Algerians, four Iraqis, three Germans, three Syrians, three Tunisians, and one each from Libya, Iran, and Montenegro. A total of 1,075 criminal complaints have been filed, including 467 alleging crimes of a sexual nature ranging from harassment to rape. Twelve of the 73 suspects are linked to sexual crimes, though only one of those—a Moroccan asylum-seeker who entered Germany in November—is in custody, he said.
https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/rape-was-a-problem-in-germany-long-before-the-refugees-arrived

Doubtlessly there is an example of a “native” German raping, but the sheer numbers are totally opposite in fact on the Cologne situation, besides the politicized police, and keeping things quiet.

Teaching What to Who ? ?

Sex education may confuse 5-year-olds

JANE BOWRON

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/education/9436954/Sex-education-may-confuse-5-year-olds

OPINION: Why a child of such a very young age has to become acquainted with a condom beats me.

I remember clearly the day JFK was shot because I was the first in the family to hear of it, having overheard the shocking news on a radio news bulletin.

Full of the kind of self-importance that comes when a small child knows something that others don't, I proudly announced the tragic news to my parents who looked at each other and rolled their eyes before admonishing me for making things up.

Shortly afterwards when my brother confirmed that indeed the American president had been assassinated, I was deeply miffed that a sibling's word would be taken over mine and waited in vain for a parental apology.

I was remembering this while wondering what year 1 and year 2 children would make of being told the cold or hot hard facts of life.

Five North Island schools are now bravely rolling out a sex education policy apparently tailor-made to be absorbed by ankle-biters as young as 5 years old.

In a TV news item, teacher and sexuality educator Kathryn Heape beamingly told a reporter about the policy and how they: "Talk about how the baby grows in the uterus, and talk about how it's the penis' job to deliver the sperm to the egg through the vagina".

Good grief, if that isn't hard enough to comprehend for a 5-year-old, the notion that the penis actually has a job to perform, to, as it were, put on a suit and tie and march off to work to impregnate an eagerly awaiting egg, is both grand and comic.

The children are also shown what a condom looks like, which infers the nippers are also told that the penis' job of impregnating an egg is completely redundant most of the time, that the penis is for most of its life a work-shy ergophobe who goes to extraordinary lengths to shirk the job description of a sperm egg collision while still enjoying the fringe benefits of horsing around in the happy hunting grounds of the vagina.

Why a child of such a very young age has to become acquainted with a condom beats me. I tend to agree with the sobbing mother also interviewed in the same TV item who, along with other parents at her children's school, successfully campaigned against the policy's introduction. The notion of protection with a capital P seems to have been hijacked by earnest sex educators trying to prevent worst-case scenarios at the cost of a childhood, which by its definition should be allowed a period of grace before signs of biology kick in.

I strongly suspect the story of reproduction and explanation of sexual activity would go way over most small children's heads.

They would be like the judge in a trial who once told the famous orator F E Smith: "I have listened to you for over an hour and I'm none the wiser".

To which Smith condescendingly replied: "None the wiser, perhaps my Lord, but certainly better informed."

- © Fairfax NZ News