Doc.'s special treatment

A Maori Doctor can’t find a job in a Hospital , so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside

‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.’
A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”

Doc; “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.”

Lawyer: “Ugh. this is kerosene.”

Doc; “Chur, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.”

Doc; “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.”

Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.”

Doc; “Chuuur. You got your memory back. Give me $20.”

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.”

Doc; “oh well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.”

Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!!”

Doc; “Chuuuur, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”

Billy T James

husband & wife commandments

Commandment 1: Marriages are made in heaven. But, so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2: If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3: Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4: Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5: When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6: Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7: Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8: Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9: Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why a wife treats her husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10: A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

Bonus Commandment story: A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, “It really works.”

http://discuss.glasgowguide.co.uk/Alternative-10-Commandments-t12664.html

What are you?

In many different forums and blogs
A sort of an update of a father and son taking the donkey to sell at a market.

Subject : This modern world

It’s been snowing all night so …
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:22 The transgender ma.wom.. person asked why I didn’t just make one snowperson with detachable parts.
8:25 The vegans at the end of the land complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.
8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.
8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 The Council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up, I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I reply “snowballs” and am called a sexist.
9:00 I’m on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices … my children are taken by social services.
9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.

Moral : there is not moral to this story. It’s just the world in which we live today